Travelling companions: part one

This is a picture of me earlier today in Paradise.

There aren't many photos of me or other people on this blog, and that's because of one of my travelling companions: autism.

I was diagnosed with autism five years ago in my late forties, but it's a lifelong condition, so they were simply giving a name to something that's always been there. Strictly speaking, I was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder level 1 (ASD1), which used to be called Asperger's Syndrome until people realised that naming a condition after a Nazi doctor was a bit insensitive. Imagine if your doctor told you your achy back was slipped Hitler discs.

In my case, ASD plays out in a variety of ways. I love being around people but find them confusing and unpredictable: autistic people just don't get the unwritten social rules. So social situations make me severely anxious, although medication helps with that. I'm a creature of routine. I have a range of special interests which I can get really obsessive about, and from time to time have to remind myself others are a bit less keen. I love humour but often miss jokes by taking them too literally. I find physical contact and looking people in the eye awkward. I hated COVID as much as anyone but, yes, lockdown was dreamy.

Now ASD is one of my travelling companions to Assisi and back. The long hours on the road are fine. The quiet churches and rhythm of prayer are great. Socialising in another language is hard, and the unpredictability of each day is challenging. Being so far from the security of ordinary life is harrowing at times.

I knew it would be hard bringing my ASD along for the trip, but I didn't really get a choice. I think being stretched like this is good for me, and experience in learning to manage it better.

And when I take photos, I show you the world I'm seeing: the world around people, not the world of people. You're sharing the pilgrimage through my eyes. Besides, it's really uncomfortable pointing a camera at a person, even if that person is myself. So you won't see loads of selfies.